1/06/2009

South Carolina as Sodom

South Carolina Sunrise as viewed from North Ca...Image by TrombaMarina via FlickrYesterday over at Queerty they published an excerpt from a letter to the editor from an Asheville, NC paper. In the diatribe Nancy Robertson of Arden, NC stated the following:
"I am a transplant from Jackson, Miss., who is astounded by how many homosexuals have “infested” this beautiful city. I just don't know what the general population should do. Perhaps the solution would be to set aside a specific state of the union for them to inhabit – perhaps we should set up a new name for Connecticut and call it “ Sodom” or “Gomorrah.”
First of all, Ms. Robertson should be aware that before LGBT people began to settle in downtown Asheville and revitalize it about 20 years ago the city was in rapid decline and deterioration. With the LGBT folks came boutiques, bookstores, restaurants, cafes and life. She should also be aware that folks from Mississippi are looked upon by folks in SC and NC as something of backwoods jokes. I'm sure that an infestation of Mississippians are to be feared based upon their poor track record in government and education as just as scary as any queer.

Anyway, today the good folks at Queerty rejected the Connecticut proposal and instead offered up a list of seven alternative states where we could have our own country. Included was NC with the caveat that Nancy Robertson lived there as the major con.

Boone Hall Plantation in Mount Pleasant, South...Image via WikipediaHowever, I propose my own native state of South Carolina for the list. Please, stay with me while I lay out my reasoning.

As the folks at Queerty noted, North Carolina has mountains and beaches. That's true, but so does South Carolina.

South Carolina's beaches include the famous Grand Strand near Myrtle Beach for those who love the neon touristy thing. They also include beautiful and natural beaches like Edisto for those who want things a little quieter and less flashy.

South Carolina has Charleston with it's plethora of mansions and plantations. If Queerty swoons over the idea of drag queens in the mansions of Newport, RI imagine what they could do in a beautiful Southern Plantation home! After all, Boone Hall Plantation in Charleston was the model for Twelve Oaks in Gone With The Wind. What could be better than that? Can't you see dozens of drag queens vying for the best reproduction of Carol Burnett's " Bob Mackie created "Drapery Dress"?

Earth Kitt was born in North, South Carolina so there could be a national holiday in her honor complete with a Cat Woman look alike contest.

The Atlantic Ocean near South Carolina is part of the Gulf Stream making the waters off the coast warm and inviting as compared the frigid waters off California. This means surfers don't have to wear wet suits but can enjoy some bare chested board short fun.

SC is home to a number of great lakes inland from the coast with fishing and water sports (of all kinds presumably).

Softball is a favorite sport in the state in Summer. This means our Lesbian sisters won't have to look far for a softball field. Meanwhile, the other big sport, football could help the guys bring a whole new dimension to playing "touch" football.

Myrtle Beach, SC Spring Break 2007 27Image by Curtis and Eric via FlickrKnown for the controversy over the Confederate flag, the state is just brimming with flagpoles. Imagine substituing the Rainbow flag for all those Southern Crosses!

Bob Jones Univerity could be taken over in Greenville to provide specialty instruction in lip synching, makeup and hairstyles making it the first University to offer Ph.D.'s in cross dressing and Master's in Female Impersonation Performance.

For those who still prefer North Carolina, if we take SC first we can make the case for invasion of our sister state under the argument that prior to 1729 NC was part of the colony of Carolina which was founded in Charleston. Hey, it works for China's invasion of Tibet and half of Middle Eastern politics.

The only drawbacks to SC would be hot and humid summers that mean lots of sweating (OK, maybe not a drawback), cold and wet winters, the occasional hurricane or tornado.

So, I submit South Carolina as a nominee for the New Sodom proposed by Ms. Robertson.

What states would be your choice?

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

No comments:

Links